Time drags, it flies, it’s a healer, you waste it, you wish for more of it. Time changes things, people, it’s an illusion. Time is free yet worth so much.
And I’m obsessed.
I learnt to tell the time when I was about 4 years old, using one of those foam clocks that you can put in the bath. I got my first watch when I was 6, a Flik Flak watch, with a dolphin in the middle and a lifebuoy around the outside that you could twist so it made a clicking sound.
As a child, the clock in our living room ticked loudly. If I close my eyes I can still hear it and see the pendulum swinging, the seconds passing by. And when I think of my grandparents house, the first thing that comes to mind is a old Grandfather clock which in my head was twice my size, although I’m sure that wasn’t the case.
I don’t remember becoming obsessed with time but somewhere along the way it happened.
If I had to think about, I’d say I probably check the time on average every 5 minutes. It doesn’t matter if I’m enjoying myself, that’s not what it’s about. It’s just about an overwhelming urge to know what time it is. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why I feel the need to know the time and truthfully I think the answer is that I’m scared of it running out. It’s like if our lives were in an egg timer. Except you can’t just flip your life back to the start when the timer runs out.
In one way, my obsession with time is useful. I never miss deadlines because I want to get everything done as soon as possible so I have plenty of time left to play with. And I’m always early because if I’m late and have to rush around I feel like it’s because I haven’t been sensible enough with my time.
On the other hand, it’s makes me too rigid. I don’t like activities that waste time. If something isn’t productive then I struggle to understand why I would take part in it. I don’t have time for wasting time.
When the day starts I calculate exactly how long it’ll be until I’m home again, when I go to bed I know exactly how many hours it is until the alarm goes off. If I’m watching a film I need to know how long it is to know when it will finish.
Mentally, my day is in chunks (they’re in different colours too, but that’s a completely different post!), I know what I’m doing when and exactly how much of my day each activity will take up. And even though I like that it means I’m super organised, I also wish I could just let time pass without a second thought.
I know that for lots of people time slips by them. They wonder where the last ten minutes went, the last hour, the whole morning. I’ve never experienced this, so let me know in the comments your thoughts on time. Am I just a big time obsessed weirdo or are you like that too?