I’ve had a serious lack of motivation lately. I’ve been getting hung up on my content only being ‘meaningful’ or ‘useful.’ You’re probably thinking that my content is neither of those things but hey ho. But as a result I’ve not really written anything. My drafts are full of half written posts that I don’t really feel anything for and I’ve begun to think about my blog a little differently.
For the past 11 months I’ve been pouring my heart out on my blog and social media. And whilst I’ve loved sharing aspects of my life, uni career, mental health and relationship with you, I’ve recently been thinking about taking a step back. Not a step back from blogging, but a step back from blogging about me.
This might seem like an odd way to go. Lots of people go from an anonymous blog to letting everyone know who they are. And by no means am I becoming anonymous. I’d just like to make No Space For Milk the blog I wanted to make it in the first place, which was a place to help people, to address mental health issues head on.
There’s a lot of pressure on bloggers to be a certain way, to cultivate Instagram into a theme, to write in a certain style, take photos in a specific way and in all honesty, that’s just not me.
I’m not a marble background girl at all. And photography does not come naturally to me. I don’t even enjoy taking photographs of still objects. I like photographs of people and animals and nature. I don’t like endorsing products really. I hate the idea of making people feel that they need to have something to complete themselves. Obviously I’m not saying that any of these things are bad, they’re just not who I am.
Right now, I feel like I’m living online, spending most of my time checking social media rather than interacting and engaging. But that hasn’t just come about because of blogging. It’s been there for the last, god knows, 10 years? It started when getting home from school meant sitting in front of the computer until bedtime, instead of doing things.
My Instagram and Twitter accounts look as though I’m always at the gym or reading or with friends or out for coffee, but in reality, I’m more than likely starting at a screen, scrolling up and down my never-ending Twitter timeline, living in a parallel universe.
It feels like I’ve lost that lust for learning, for wanting to better myself. I don’t want to live my life online as much as I have been doing.
So I think what I’m trying to say is that I’ll be keeping my personal life to my diary more than online now. I want to be the person I portray myself to be on social media, rather than spending my time cultivating that image of me.