The usual panic washes over me as I set my alarm for the following morning. “Did I make today count?”
The paradox of ‘just be’ juxtaposed with ‘live life to the full’ constantly makes my head hurt. We’re supposed to be mindful these days, accept the world as it is, thrive in the idea that there is no meaning of life, allowing us to create our own.
Yet at the same time we are fed a line that we must thrive. We must be successful, told that we were ‘made for more than this,’ constantly reading newspaper articles telling us that millennials aren’t working as hard as their parents, not achieving as much, as though we can’t see that for ourselves?
I feel like I’m being pulled in a million directions by a million different versions of myself. I want to be present, to enjoy every second and allow life to slow down so I can see it all. But simultaneously, I feel that I could be using my downtime so much more productively, to push boundaries and reach my personal goals.
I’m not saying that it’s necessary to choose one over the other. Both are possible but sometimes finding that balance feels unattainable. The moment you stop worrying about whether you’re living life to the full is the moment you’re doing it. Now it’s just a case of getting there.