The Bride I Never Wanted To Be

The Bride I Never Wanted To Be

Writing a wedding post feels bizarre to say the least. It’s weird enough that I’m engaged (it’s been nine months and it stills feels odd) but I’m actually planning a wedding that’s taking place next year.

It’s been almost eight years since I told my Mum that when I went to university I was going there single. I’d recently split up with an ex-boyfriend and being that nerd that I was (still am), I was thoroughly looking forward to spending the next four years utterly absorbed in my studies. It was less than a few months after this that I met my boyfriend and almost eight years later we’re engaged to be married in June.

I love pretty dresses and getting dolled up but being a bride? Not for me. I’d never dreamed of a white wedding or a puffy dress. I’d never thought about the venue or who would be invited. Admittedly, the little part of me that thought one day I might get married, had thought about the food, because isn’t that the most important part anyway? But overall weddings really hadn’t crossed my mind.

So when I got engaged I didn’t really know what to do. I’d wanted to be engaged for a long time. I wanted to feel like my fiancé and I were at the next step but then what happens?

The truth is, when you get engaged, everyone has an opinion. They ask you the date, what you’ll be wearing, who you’re inviting and even what flowers you’re having. The last question seems bizarre to me because honestly I don’t even know what different flowers look like, aside from the obvious ones. Every single time you see a family member or someone who knows you’re getting married, you’re asked how far planning has come. And, I understand, of course I do. Getting married is important, the wedding day is important but so is the rest of the life part that comes afterwards.

If you’ve just read the last few paragraphs and wondered whether I’m actually excited for the wedding, I am, don’t worry! I’m just still a little confused that people have opinions on centrepieces.

I always put the idea of being a bride on a pedestal. I thought it was something very specific that had to be done a certain way but now I’m planning my own wedding I’m starting to see that being a bride is whatever you want it to be. People around you will absolutely want to stick their oar in and tell you what you should be doing and that that’s not what’s traditional. Truthfully, I don’t feel well equipped to be giving wedding advice, but if there’s one thing I can say, it’s stick to your guns, do what you both want and most importantly, if people care that your flowers are plastic, they aren’t people worth caring about.

I’m planning some more, far less cynical posts about wedding planning soon so let me know if you like that kind of thing!

Rachel x-x-x



  1. November 17, 2017 / 9:39 am

    As someone who felt exactly the same way as you, I urge you to do what is right for you both as a couple. We didn’t have a sit down meal or speeches or first dances or cakes and we LOVED our day. Fuck traditions if you don’t care for them, do what you guy want and have fun with it, because that’s what really matters! xx

  2. November 17, 2017 / 4:45 pm

    I literally got married two weeks ago, and similar to you, I found that some people in particular wanted to share all this advice etc, and ultimately, two of the biggest decisions, the venue and reception, were not made by me. I had the most incredible day, but if I’m being totally honest, I wish more than anything that I had stuck to my guns and been firmer with the fact it was our day and we wanted to do things that were right for us. I did throw myself into things – I got engaged just 4 days before finding out I was pregnant, and so I had spent the 22 month engagement being a mum, and so this was something I wanted to do to include our baby, but to do for us as well. When some big decisions were taken away from me I focussed on the details, the personal touches and I’m so glad I did. Looking forward to your next posts!
    Hels xx

  3. November 18, 2017 / 9:20 pm

    This is meeee! Everyone definitely has an opinion, I don’t think either of us are doing it the traditional way, but I bet both our weddings are bloody great!
    Amy xx

  4. November 19, 2017 / 1:24 pm

    This was exactly the post I needed to read!
    I’ve only been engaged for one month and to be fair I have already chosen a venue and hopefully we’re booking it this week (!) but as for everything else?… There’s just so much!
    I have no idea what our theme will be, or what flowers there are, or what order the day is supposed to go in. I’ve been really caught up in what we’re ‘supposed’ to do and this post was like a breath of fresh air 🙂

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