New Chapter

New Chapter

At the beginning of this year I was getting married, in two week’s time in fact. The date is burned into my brain. It was going to be an anniversary date to remember for the rest of my life.

And now, I’m not.

The date is simply going to fade into the oblivion of the other 364 days in the year.

A hard part of this whole experience is juggling other people’s expectations and opinions. When they hear that I’m not getting married anymore, they assume a relationship breakdown and that isn’t the case. We’re together and happy. Obviously I’m not going to go into the ins and outs but we’re just not getting married.  But of course everyone will have their opinions so I’ve just got really good at smiling, nodding and acting like I’m taking things on board when I’m actually thinking about what to have for dinner.

I’ve really been umming and ahhing over publishing this post for a number of reasons. In spite of my blog, I’m a really private person and I just wasn’t sure about putting this on the internet.

But in the end, I’ve decided yes, because the part I’ve found so difficult is comparing my life to everyone else’s. Through the filters of Instagram and the highlights reels we portray online, it can seem like everyone is living in a fairytale of Starbucks and cocktails. But that’s not real life and sometimes it’s important to share the bad parts too.

I have multiple friends getting married this year, and while that’s difficult in some ways, I’m also really happy for them. Their relationship isn’t mine and their lives aren’t mine and we’re all just taking different paths. But man is it hard to not compare yourself to everybody who is seemingly ‘moving on with their lives.’ But in the last couple of months I’ve taken a step back and seen that things are moving just fine with my life. I was just struggling to see that in the greyer days.

We’re a few months on now and things are significantly better. Learning not to compare yourself to others is a challenge and one that needs to be worked on. It won’t come overnight but it’s a lesson for life.

Rachel x-x-x

 

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5 Comments

  1. June 1, 2018 / 7:09 pm

    Rachel, deciding to not get married because it simply doesn’t feel like the right time is one of the most mature things you could do. I, of course, don’t know much about your relationship, but I’m so glad that you guys are happy and together. Everything that needs to come from your relationship will come in due time, of that I’m sure <3

    Sending both you so much love, and I'm so proud of you!!

    xo
    Srna
    http://www.acrushonlife.com

    • rach
      June 2, 2018 / 10:01 am

      Thank you so much ❤️

  2. June 2, 2018 / 7:19 am

    It’s totally ok to choose to live together without wedding, no matter popularity of the wedding institution or social pressures. It’s not only your life as a couple but also as an individual. So, although I’d missed the news until now, I’ll just say that am glad that your decision isn’t a sign of ending relationship, because you seemed to be so happy together & I’d be sad if you weren’t in a happy, fulfilling relationship, because I came to care about you.

    I compliment/ congratulate you on learning to be fully you even when you are secretive and a private person. You needn’t worry about other’s opinions, everyone will think and believe what they want, it’s their right to think and say, and yours to post and disregard haters – because there are always haters of what we say and do, right ? so might as well not try to please anyone, since you can never please everyone.

    Just be you, fully you, sharing what and when you want to share.

    And oh indeed, no need to compare, you are you, others are others. I know if governmental rules hadn’t dictated that I get married to my american wife, we’d simply be together just the same as without the paper saying so. It just happens that they do have those rules & I didn’t want her to have only 3-months stay in the country and having to go back & forth. The only reason why I socially declared what I already knew in my heart. Since you don’t have that need, it’s totally ok to just be together, and it can be ok if you change your mind & needs later down the line, or if you don’t, just the same.

  3. June 2, 2018 / 9:57 am

    I feel oddly proud of you for writing and sharing this, I really hope it was cathartic and that you feel better for it.
    Your relationship is absolutely no-one’s business but yours and Brandon’s, and you know what is best for you both. I am sure it will feel a little odd on the 16th (come to Edinburgh xoxo) but just because you aren’t stepping in the direction you’d expected doesn’t mean you aren’t stepping forward. You have so many exciting things coming this year and I am so excited to see where you go. I am also always here if you need me.
    You are strong and brave and wonderful and I wish you nothing but happiness, always.
    Beth x Adventure & Anxiety

    • rach
      June 2, 2018 / 10:00 am

      You are so wonderful Beth. Thank you ❤️ Also wow I’ve never been this keen in replying to a comment!

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